[Jamie's Innerworkings] "Slightly Bored and Severely Confused"

Clearly - I failed

2011-10-16T02:39:00.001-04:00

Considering it has been 2 years since that last update.

Mike indeed popped the question, then we got married last September and now we're home owners.

Hoorah!

I won't make any promises of updating ... but maybe I might do it more frequently than every 2 years.

It's been a while

2009-08-20T07:36:00.002-04:00

(now I have the nickleback song stuck in my head)

And what better time for an update :)

So, I finished school and started a new job last month at a small law firm downtown and its going great! So much better than working at Weiss.

Things with Mike and I are good, and I'm hoping for him to pop the question in the next month or so (exciting :) ).

Sarah continues to be an awesome roomie!

And ya ... I only had a few minutes, but I promise this time I'm going to try to be better about updating.

blessed be ...

2008-12-27T22:21:00.003-05:00

So in the summer I wrote a post about 2008 being the "year of Jamie" and I'm happy to say it has been a success. As New Years is fast approaching, I've been reflecting on the last year.

It will be Mike and I's one year anniversary in a couple of weeks, and he is the man I want to be with. He is wonderful, and kind and gentle and loves me so much. He respects and cherishes me, and I him. When I think of a future with him, I just feel so ... complete. Heck, I can even envision the little ~~pooping machines~~ babies we'll have.

I had my moments of worries and self doubt and there have been some challenges but Mike and I have come through them stronger and better. We have had very few disagreements/quarrels, but I have stuck with the one relationship rule I believe is so important. To never go to bed angry or upset. He knows me. He knows me when I'm happy, and when I'm miserable and when I'm just being a bitch (I mean, I'm never bitchy, I'm Saint Jamie, I don't make shoppers employees cry [that's for you missina]). And he loves me and cares for me every step of the way.

He is moving out of his parents place to an apartment with his friend Andrew (he moved in with his parents after he was done school). And I'm excited for the new chapter in our relationship that his new independence will bring. I'm hoping to maybe be engaged by the summer.

I have one class left to take, I was going to take it in September but it got cancelled. So I'll be officially done in April, and the plan is to look for a new job in the spring. I enjoy who I work for (for the most part), but there is no growth left for me there. The job above mine is the owner's wife's job. So I really don't think I'll be getting promoted anymore haha.

I've also lost almost 30 pounds since the summer, and I'm really proud of myself.

So ya. Operation "year of jamie" ... major success.

Some thoughts

2008-10-24T14:09:00.002-04:00

Alright, so its been a while since I've written an opinion piece. And why not go with the touchy subject of why I don't think fathering a child necessarily (key word) means having to be financially responsible.

I was born to a single mother and have never met my father, my mother was also a complete failure as a parent and I was raised in foster care. Just to give you a small understanding of where I'm coming from.

We don't live in a perfect world, and if we did ... well, everything would be perfect and there would be no need for this post. But alas, we don't.

I think women have an unfair advantage because we bare the children and we are responsible for the decision to bring that child to term or not. We can 100% decide whether or not to keep the child or to abort the pregnancy.

We live in a world, where unfortunately, women sometimes trick men, and end up getting pregnant. Whether it be a casual fling or a committed relationship ... women have lied about being on the pill, being infertile etc. When they are not, and they are hoping to get pregnant. Sometimes just because they want a child, sometimes because they just want to trap someone else into staying with them.

These are primarily the situations I am referring to, where the male is under the impression that measures are being taken to protect there are no unwanted pregnancies, and have expressed that they don't desire to have any children at this point in time.

An unwanted pregnancy is an unwanted pregnancy, whether on the behalf of the mother or the father. And I'll state now that I am pro-adoption, and believe that abortion shouldn't be the first choice, but that it should be left as a choice ... there are too many factors and unique situations to advocate wholly pro-life or pro-choice ... ideally adoption is the answer for unplanned or unwanted pregancies, but not everything is ideal.

The male counterpart, right now, has no option when he finds himself in a situation where there is an unwanted pregnancy and the mother wants to keep the baby. He is SOL, he has 18 years of child support ahead of him. Whereas a woman does have the decision to end a pregnancy she does not want to be responsible for.

If I could create legislation, I'd try to make it optional for a father to sign off on his rights to parent hood, when it has been clear from the start that they weren't ready for a child, and a mother is insisting on keeping the child. A bad choice shouldn't make someone responsible for the rest of their life. Nor should a woman be forced into giving up that child, but if she is aware that she'll be doing this all on her own, she might give it a little more thought. Because once again, I'm talking about situations primarily where a woman is being deceitful about her intentions. Forgetting to put a condom on should never been an excuse.

I'd say then the opposite should also be true, if a woman doesn't want the pregnancy and the father does, she shouldn't be allowed to abort, but should be allowed to sign off on her responsibilites. Unfortunately, the flaw in that, is that the woman would have to carry an unwanted child, and tests have proven that there are effects to a fetus when a woman is emotionally stressed (for lack of a better word). And I believe the the mother's health and well being (emotional or physical) should take priority.

Those are my thoughts, I know not many feel the same.

Sometimes I miss it

2008-08-29T12:14:00.003-04:00

As the summer wraps up, my mind thinks of camp. I just watched a girls camp video, and I'm a little teared up. It has been 5 years since I was last at Pioneer and it wasn't by choice that I stopped going. And I still miss it, and it still hurts.

I don't know if it hurts because those were simpler days, and where God was so painstakingly real for me. Or if its because of the way things ended and my frustrations with the current director. I don't know if I will ever completely stop missing camp, and maybe thats why I was never the "right" staff for Pioneer, because I had too much of a vested interest. I was there for camp to feed into me, more than so that I could feed into others.

Maybe some of it is because I simply miss the naivety and innocence that surrounded me there, where I could forget the dark stains of my past and where turning to God didn't hurt.

Maybe its because I've got my one foot poised out in front of me, my whole life ahead of me, everything is falling into place ... but yet, something just feels ... off.

Perhaps today is one of the days where the still small voice is whispering to me, and it causes unease. Though I find irony that an equally contesting feeling is to take up habits that were worse for wear from my past.

I'm not perfect ...

2008-07-23T10:32:00.002-04:00

Nor have I ever claimed to be.

And I have insecurities, and worries. I have hopes and dreams. I have secrets and things I'm not proud of.

I made the decision this time last summer that I was ready for something real, something honest ... I was ready for a relationship.

I made the realization in the fall that in order for that to be a good thing, and grow in a healthy direction, I needed to seriously look at my life and my influences. And I needed to start with pruning my social tree. To get rid of those who did not encourage me to goodness, who did not appreciate the person I am, and the one person who was strangling my faith.

The latter, was very difficult, and I find it kind of ironic that they were one of the influential people who helped bring me to Christ, and also the person who turned me off of church. I am not calling victim, I take responsibility for my decisions and actions. I was not 'duped', but they did abuse their influence in my life.

I made other painful snips and cuts in my social circle. I took a long, hard and honest look at myself, my life, who I was becoming. And I was not happy, nor was I proud. And I decided to change. I decided 2008 was the year of Jamie. And since the year is half over I thought I'd check in.

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, who I love. And with whom I am excited to share the next weeks, months and hopefully years with.

I have gone back to school, and will be finishing in either December or April (depending on if I want to take two courses at once).

I have a wonderful roomie.

People have commented about how I have a much more positive glow about me. And I feel it too.

2008 is the year of Jamie, and I'm making it happen.

Shout Out

2008-06-12T11:16:00.004-04:00

So ... I'm a big fan of Amy Campbell's music. If you like good indie folk type music, she has two recordings out right now. She has The Official Bootleg which is a live recording of a show from last month, which is being used as a fundraiser for her upcoming double disc (!!!) CD, "Oh Heart, Oh Highway". Support local and independent talent, I recommend you buying a CD :) She also has a second CD Architecture, is a professional recording of a live show from a couple of years ago. I have both, they don't disappoint.

My duties

2008-04-23T13:34:00.003-04:00

Answer phones - check
Take messages - check
Type offers - check
Answer ~~dumb~~ questions - check
Web based services - check
Move a cement parking curb by placing a telephone book (to create leverage) underneath while my boss does the lifting/shoving - check

Interesting day at work, the parking curb infront of our office was moved by a snow plow to the otherend, by the sidewalk, during the winter. I spent about 20 minutes assisting my boss to move it back.
Good thing I wasn't wearing a skirt.

Its lovely outside today

2008-04-22T12:30:00.002-04:00

And I am stuck in the office, I'm not sure if its good that I have a nice big window, because I can see how gorgeous it is outside while I am stuck at this computer.

I told Mike I love him on the weekend, the feeling was returned. I am feeling very blessed at the moment. I know it is new and all that, but I'll say this, I've never been one to shop around for anything.

I'm done two of my classes, my third goes until May 7th and then I start a new one May 8th (reminds me, I need to register for that course).

What can I say, the weather is wonderful and there is love in the air.

A monthly update

2008-04-15T14:10:00.004-04:00

That appears to be the pattern, my apologies to those who actually read my blog. Well, lets see, what is new ... I moved at the beginning of the month to the other end of the city and am not roommates with the lovely Ms. Sharp. We have a two bedroom apartment, and my bunny and her cat, a wii and PS2 ... there is much happening in the apartment.

I have my second exam tonight, my last course doesn't end until May 7th and I am starting a new course May 8th.

My aunt has moved to Orillia, and I didn't think I'd miss her this much, she doesn't have an orillia phone up there yet and her cell phone is Toronto so the long distance charges would be huge, so I talk to her very infrequently, but she is coming down tonight and spending the night at my place, so I am looking forward to that, I will gladly sleep on the couch.

Mike and I celebrated 3 months on the weekend, apparently I am a relationship sap ... i still blame it on the fact that I've never done this before. I think I might have the "L" word feelings for him ... I know I do, I just don't know if I'm ready to say it out loud.

Um, thats all I guess.

Why my boyfriend is great

2008-03-20T16:43:00.002-04:00

I've had a crummy last couple of days, just one of those few times of the year that I get into a funk.

Tomorrow is Good Friday, and Mike's company closed their office at 3pm.

Around 3:30 I was at the back of the office doing some stuff and I heard the chime go off at the front, so I did my usual "One moment, I'll be right there". And I rushed to the front reception, and there was Mike to give me a kiss and a hug to make me feel better because I had been down the last couple of days.

What a great guy he is, I'm very lucky.

Post Valentine's Day

2008-02-21T19:49:00.004-05:00

It was wonderful.

Nuff said.

Here are some pictures:

Us looking kind of awkward

Now looking like more of a couple

The pretty pretty roses he bought me, and the vase. They are now drying out, I like dried roses :)

grin

2008-02-13T18:37:00.002-05:00

The guy (Mike) I previously mentioned a couple of posts back, well we're a couple now *cue the d'awwwws*. And I'm excited to experience my first Valentine ... I've never really had a boyfriend before, save for a guy I dated in grade 9 ... but um, that didn't end too well (he's a touch crazy now), but I'm still close friends with his sister.

But yes, I am not usually the type to get overly concerned about things like Valentine's Day, but I've never had one before ... so its a new experience that I'm looking forward to enjoying. Even if it might not go as I previously had planned.

anyways, I need to learn to be a better blogger, but I've been busy at work (so this is what I'm being paid for), and I don't really do much surfing of the net at home, just chatting on MSN.

this was rambling, but I'm done now.

Reserved means you can't park here asshole

2008-01-25T18:00:00.000-05:00

My work is located on a strip, between a polish supermarket and the mafia bar. There are two parking spaces in front of my work, they are clearly marked RESERVED there is a sign in our window that says the spots are reserved for our customers.

A new business opened up at the end of the plaza, and for some reason (thats me being politically correct) a lot of cab drivers have been making pit stops. Pit stops in MY parking spaces. There is one Beck driver ... and I should make it known that I don't like Beck, they are a horrible cab company and when I was a little girl I watched one of their cabs run down a boy in my class. So anyways, this guy parks in our spaces all the time, and is usually there for about 30 minutes. When both of spots our empty, I don't mind too much ... but last night we came and tried to park in my last open space, and the other receptionist, who drives, was on her way in. So I tried to express to him that he couldn't park there. And he ignored me, 5 minutes he said.

When he came back out, he popped in and said "I only use spot for a couple of minutes" and I told him calmly and assertively, that if it is our last open spot, I don't care if you are going to be 2 seconds, don't take my last spot. Okay, okay he said.

Fucking prick just took my last spot AGAIN! I went out and put a note that said "Thanks for listening to me last night, as I explained please do not take our last free spot as you are not a client of our company". And then I locked my door, because I didn't want to talk to him. I just let him knock at my window for 2 minutes before looking up and saying "I don't care to talk to you" ....

bastard better not take my spots again.

This is more fun than venting at customer service reps.

Yes, I'm a vindictive bitch, but you love me anyways.

My body is too bootylicious for ya babe

2008-01-25T17:56:00.000-05:00

How does that saying go ... do you have enough junk to fill your trunk ... in this case I do. But I don't think its a good thing.

Guess whose pants split while bending over today.

Thankfully I was still at home.

Why Sarah and I are gonna be awesome roomies

2008-01-24T09:56:00.000-05:00

We think the same ...

After hearing the tragic news of Heath Ledger's death on Tuesday, I called Sarah up ... because who else would understand other than a female my age.

The conversation went like this:

Me: "Sarah, you want to hear something sad."
Sarah: "Heath Ledger is dead"

Oh, and we're going to have an awesome party apartment ... martinis anyone?

How many different ways can I say ...

2008-01-23T10:28:00.001-05:00

Alright, so I work at a real estate office, I deal with a website called TorontoMLS that is run by the Toronto Real Estate Board (TREB). When we upload a listing, you can only upload a maximum of 9 photos, which includes the "main photo" that appears on the listing.

Easy enough concept?

Apparently not, I have tried explaining to one of my agents that it is not the main photo + 9 additional photos, but 9 photos in total.

Now, he is coming into the office to "go over it and show me what he wants" ...

How many ways can I say "go fuck yourself" with it sounding like "I wish you a pleasant day".

Grumble grumble grumble.

Update: So he came in wearing the GROSSEST smelling cologne, that caused me to start going in a sneezing fit, when I said "I think I'm allergic to your cologne" his response was "Oh, most people are" ... then why would someone continue to wear it!

And then when I told him if he had concerns about the photos, to call the helpdesk at TREB, he said "oh, I don't have time to do that" ... what, you think I do? I don't care if there are any photos on your frigging listing.

A long overdue catch-up

2008-01-22T11:32:00.001-05:00

Well, since Sarah ~~bitched~~ asked nicely for me post something. Here we go. I have been neglecting my blogger, I apologize to my loyal readers ... work has just been super hectic (which is when I usually blog).

So, lets go back to December 12th and work our way forward ... (I'll make some separate witty/sarcastic posts about work to satisfy you Sarah after).

Christmas, was interesting, my aunt wasn't there because my cousin Patrick was in the hospital (Patrick rarely comes to family dinners), my cousin Kim wasn't there because she had Norwegian Scabies, my cousin Samantha wasn't there because she was with her mom ... and my mother never comes, so out of a family of 11 thats almost half gone ... which was weird. The actual day was pretty shitty, I was pms-ing something fierce and missing my aunt, and then the kick in the teeth was when my mother called collect, guess who is in jail again. Sheesh.

New Years was fun, I babysat until 11pm and then rang in the new year with my friend Cindy, ya Jager bombs!

Andrea, the other receptionist, was fired just before christmas and I've been promoted to full time, woo hoo! More money makes Jamie less stressed. I've also started school 3 nights a week, less time makes Jamie more stressed ... so really I'm just as stressed as I was in the fall.

But there are little things that help, Stephan was a major bonus the last year to take the edge off of things, but I haven't called him in a month, because I'm ready to do something serious, a connection of minds and not just groins.

Here enters 'the guy' ... who I've been talking to since the beginning of December and have been on 3 dates in the last week and a half, d'aw. Things seem to be progressing nicely, but I'm trying to stay slightly emotionally detached so that if it doesn't work I don't get too hurt.

But we've held hands (I don't want anything more than that to happen unless we have confirmed we are dating) ... and on Sunday night I sent him a text to let him know I got home okay from our date and I said "I'm really enjoying myself these days" and he replied "me too", and we talk most every night before bed for a good hour, until one of us is too tired to continue. And I fall asleep with a smile on my face and wake up all warm and giddy (and still mostly exhausted).

Something to make me feel good

2007-12-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

Agent Tre Smith, a animal cruelty investigator had his licence suspended during the summer, after rescuing a dog that had been left in an overheated car for many hours. Agent Smith broke into the car to rescue the dog, upon the dog owner's return, the owner began being abusive and obstructing Agent Smith's attempts to save the dog. So Agent Smith handcuffed the guy to the car, and then brought the dog to the Humane Society for immediate intervention.

I wrote the head of the SPCA a couple of weeks ago, as part of a drive organized by the Humane Society to reinstate Agent Smith (who was at risk of losing his licence all together).

He was reinstated just the other day, and it made me smile to know I did something to help that come about.

I hate that it hurts

2007-12-02T22:37:00.000-05:00

Untouchable Face - Ani Difranco

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...

Is it fair to set a new years resolution that I know I won't succeed in?

While I was bored at work today ...

2007-11-23T11:58:00.001-05:00

Its official ...

2007-10-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

Jorga is leaving CSI.

Sara was my favourite :( One of my favourite lines ever is from her, in All For the Country, the season 4 opener, a frat boy has been found dead and Sara and Catherine are explaining to another frat boy how he is responsible for the death after having punched the kid in the back of the head. The frat boy responsible for the death had previously called the dead kid a "punk bitch"

Frat boy: Look, I told you, that guy walked away.
Catherine: But he was already dying. And you're responsible.
Sara: Now who's the punk ... *beat* bitch?

So, so good.

Back to school, back to school

2007-10-25T19:10:00.000-04:00

So I return to the land of academia next Wednesday, I'm doing the one pre requisite course I need to take before beginning "full time" studies in January, I'll be taking 3 or 4 courses a week until August, if everything goes as planned, in August I'll be all graduated with a legal assistant diploma. Hoorah for me!

Pictures from Ireland

2007-10-19T13:03:00.000-04:00

For those who are interested in seeing my photos from Ireland and are not facebooker's the links are below. It was a wonderful trip, and when I go back I think I'd like to spend more time travelling the county of Cork (south-east ish).

I managed to travel the perimeter of the whole country, though the north western part was only travelled as I had to go back to Galway to get my cell phone.

I didn't see any leprechauns, but I did kiss the Blarney Stone!

Dublin: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=62096&l=0eab0&id=508120556 (day 1)
1st and 2nd day of Tour: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=62132&l=b14f2&id=508120556 (day 2 and day 3)
Last day of Tour: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=62226&l=f72e6&id=508120556 (day 4)
Northern Ireland: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=62416&l=2cc65&id=508120556 (day 5 and day 6)

A song

2007-10-09T11:08:00.000-04:00

I was watching CSI on Thursday, and this was the song that was playing in the last scene (which doesn't seem to bode well for the Grissom/Sara relationship for other CSI fans out there)

Running Up That Hill (Make A Deal With God) ~ Placebo (cover of Kate Bush)

It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You *be running up that hill*
You and me *be running up that hill*
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, *be running up that hill*
You and me, *be running up that hill*
You and me won't be unhappy.
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh...
'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'
And if I only could, Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems. x2
'If I only could, be running up that hill.' x7

Is this the answer I've been waiting for?

2007-10-04T11:21:00.000-04:00

Holy carp! I will try not to get my hopes up.

For those who know me, have probably heard me bitch about my scalp scabs caused by shampoos and conditioners, because everything irritates my scalp ... save for the psiroiris (sp?) shampoo that is a) uber expensive b) smells and looks like tar ... I think it is tar.

Currently I use baby shampoo, which has helped significantly with the scabbies, the downfall ... it is sometimes a touch too gentle of a cleanser, and also ... continuous use of baby shampoo on grown up hair has a result of making your hair almost like goose down (i.e. a static nightmare), I solve this by once and a while using conditioner to give some weight back to my hair (which is always followed by an attack of the scabbies).

I've just received intelligence that LUSH has solid shampoos and conditioners that are supposed to be really good for sensitive scalps. Could this be the answer?

I'll keep you posted.

Oh so fitting

2007-09-27T12:17:00.000-04:00

I'm Not That Girl (from Wicked: The Musical)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boyBut I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl:

I know its not Mother's Day

2007-09-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

But here is a post dedicated to dear old mom, some things I've written about her:

Dearest Mother (March 30th, 2004)
how can you hurt me so much
how can you do it, and not think
you selfish bitch
you want me to call you mother
but why should i?
you have done nothing to deserve that title
you have been the cause of many sleepless and tearfilled nights
of heartbreaks and hurts
where were you when i was hurting?
and you want me there when you are?
time and time againpromises
get broken
and lies
get told
you are an awesome story teller because you have tricked me into
believing your lies so many times
i have every right to just forget you
to not care, and move on from here
cut off the contact and turn off the emotions
but i can't, damn internal instinct
from your womb i was born
but by your hand i have been hurt
by your tongue i have been discouraged
by your actions i have been let down
i can forgive you
but i don't forget
every
single
time
every word that comes from your mouth has
been soured before it has leftyour lips
your words hold no genuinity to me
they are like pornography
false intimacy
you say you love me
but i bet you say that
to every
guy
you
fuck
i don't know what goes on inside that fucked up head
or what love to you means
you have not shown me love
you have taught me to be bitter
and to hate
you have taught me to what it feels to want
you have taught me distrust
you have taught me to fight for myself
but i won't fuck everyone over in the process
like
you
have
but you are still here
and so in the mean time, i may think i don't care
but i know i dobecause i accept the calls
and i open up the letters
i listen to you
even if you won't listen to me
sometimes i feel like there is a role reversal
and that i am the mother
i feel so disconnected
but connected all the same
and the tears that i cry
they are for you
and what you will never be

vulnerable (February 1st, 2006)

angry words were written by pen
sad tears from my eyes were shed
hurt and pain from my heart
left through my mouth
I HATE YOU

i hate that you didn't understand
why my soul would scream something like that
its not that I had too many demands
you just wouldn't listen to the only one
I WANT you

but you weren't there, were you?
when I was shrouded in dark
not there when the hurts of this world
left their painful marks
I Need you

so I make myself open to you again
but it will be the last time
hurt me one more time, we're done
nothing will matter if you cross that line
i'm here

Guess who is in jail .... again. *sigh*

Melancholy (a post in which Jamie whines)

2007-09-23T09:16:00.000-04:00

I thought my state of mind over the last little bit, was, well, just the "summer blahs", but summer is over and I'm still feeling the same. Its not a comfortable place, and a place that sort of maybe scares me, I don't do well with prolonged periods of "blah-ness", sharp things take a bad interest in my life. Or so history has shown.

And I don't even know what it is that has me here, I've thought about it a lot and I think most of is that I'm 22 years old and I'm at a point now where I have to start making choices that will affect the path I go on. And I'm trying to set things in motion to move myself forward, but things keep not going as planned. School plans aren't really happening (and soon I will need to start paying back that frickin' OSAP loan, I just have to keep reminding myself that the friendships I made can not have a price put on them [but if they did it'd be about 12 grand]), plans of making peace with my family (read: mother), thats just laughable, and I feel selfish saying this but I'm starting to look for someone I can share my life with on more than just the physical level (ps. I have to keep reminding my hormones of that, damn buggers, this shit is hard), and I let myself get my hopes up and then things crash and I'm left feeling like, well, like I'm just not "girlfriend" material. And yes I know, it takes time, the right person is out there, you are a great person Jamie, don't worry it'll happen, there's a million fish in the sea etc. etc., but with almost my whole inner circle of friends finding that person who makes them happy, well its a constant reminder that if karma is real, I'm never going to find happiness in a relationship, because I've definitely fucked up in the past two years.

I just, I see the path that I want to go down, but it seems like I'm going in the other direction. 1/2 step forward and like 18 steps backwards. I have to consistently turn my mind to Light.

I'm afraid what might happen otherwise.

A change in the title to my previous blog post

2007-09-20T11:56:00.000-04:00

It shall now be referred to "A post in which Jamie discovers a Douche" ... apparently he has a girlfriend and didn't "realize that I was misleading you".

Psh, whatevs. Dudes conscience just finally kicked him in the ass.

C'est la vie.

A blog post in which Jamie texts a boy

2007-09-12T10:36:00.001-04:00

I've been reading Stardust, Aron had taken me to see it on my birthday and Michael lent me the book on the weekend. Which is where the title for the blog came from, because at the beginning of the chapter there is this little blurb thats like "where there is much fighting for the crown" (or something like that). And I likes it.

Anywho, your beloved Jamie, is ready to try this so called "dating", like ... real dating. Holy carp! (yes carp), who'd have thunk it. Pretty much, I'm kind of scared of boys ... unless I'm giving them the sweaty throw down. I'm socially awkward, this doesn't really bode well when it comes to dating, where I have to show that I'm not a social retard and my breasts can't do all the persuading.

But, I worked up the ovaries to text a friend of a friend (or rather, ahem, a supervisor of a friend) who has apparently expressed some interest. He's tied up this week, but if my schedule frees up next week, we'll try to get together for coffee then.

ps. this girl is my blogger hero.

One more month

2007-09-10T10:20:00.000-04:00

Till I'm on a plane to Ireland :) I'm getting excited, even though kissing the blarney stone is kind of daunting. And that was before I even considered the possibility that people might urinate on it.

I've got one month to acquire a taste for either beer or whiskey ... on your mark, get set, go! (those who went to O'Grady's in July can remember my reaction to Whiskey).

Oh, and I felt so spoiled for my birthday this year, a very special thank you to those who made it so. I think I still have a package in the mail coming :)

"Where does the good go" Tegan and Sara

2007-09-02T18:08:00.000-04:00

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do with the left over you?
And how do you know, when to let go?
Where does the good go, where does the good go?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive?
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go?
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love?
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen.

It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go?
Where does the good go?

Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows?
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down?
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down?
Where does the good go, where does the good go?

A good quote from Katie

2007-08-28T12:58:00.000-04:00

So, Katie and I went to go see "Superbad" on opening night, and while trying to find parking (which was PACKED) we'd keep thinking we had found a spot, but instead, a little car was occupying the space.

This is when the darling Ms. Stein said this:

"I want to own a little car, so that I can crush people's hopes"

Good ambitions there! ;)

14,900 unread emails

2007-08-23T18:33:00.000-04:00

I just checked an email account I had sort of forgotten about, that was used mainly when I was trying to find furniture and stuff for my apartment and I signed up for Freecycle.

The last time I checked it was in February ... and since then I've accumulated almost 15,000 emails. And it took me about 10 minutes to delete them all.

Oi!

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

2007-08-16T09:17:00.000-04:00

I just want to stop crying.

nosy neighbours are morons

2007-08-15T14:05:00.000-04:00

So, I work for a Real Estate company, we sell houses ... many houses we sell are vacant.

Here is a story about such a house.

Once upon a time (as in yesterday) we listed a house and put a for sale sign up, no one lived in it, so we put on a lockbox so that agents, who have booked an appointment, could go view the house.

Then the lovely receptionist of the said real estate firm received a call, the conversation went like this:

Nosy Neighbour (NN):"I call about ABC house on DEF street"
Lovely Receptionist (LR): "Okay, I can have the agent paged he is not in the office"
NN: "No, no, I call police just now. I see two people I never see before go into house, I think breaking in"
LR: *exasperated* "That is an agent, with his client, he has authority to be there, the house is being sold"
NN: "No, I think bad person, bad person might set fire"
LR: *shocked pause*
NN: "The police just pull up, bye bye" *click*
LR: "Crap" *calls listing agent, can't reach him, 5 minutes go by*
Random agent who is showing the house: "Um, can you talk to the police and let them know I'm not breaking in ..."

2007-08-13T23:07:00.000-04:00

I am at the point of exhaustion ... but my mind doesn't rest.

Its but all I can do, the only prayer I can pray ...

I love You Lord
And I lift my voice, to worship You
Oh my soul rejoice!
Take joy my King, in what you hear.
May it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear.

Praise Jesus.

Ya know, the addage is true

2007-08-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

Money doesn't make you happy.

I won a small amount from Lotto 6/49 today, but I'm verging on crying.

I hate when things just hit you, and you have no control, and you feel guilty for feeling the way you do.

It blows. It sucks. And I'm tired of fighting it.

Venting and Ranting

2007-08-09T10:28:00.001-04:00

So, I've realized the downfall to having a last name that starts with "A" and enterphones in apartment lobbies that are hooked up to my cellphone (my only phone).

That being, that on the occassion, I have someone dial my entry code to try and gain access to the apartment building as I am the first person on the list. I don't let them in, because I don't think they should be trying to use me in the first place, and I am usually not even in the building at the time.

Well, the other night I was enjoying a lovely night of sleep when my phone began to vibrate ... I looked, bleary-eyed at my clock, it was 2:30am and then at my phone and recognized the number as being the front door, and so I picked it up:
me: hello?!
person: hey, can you let me into the building my buddy isn't picking up.
me: no, asshole! *hangs up phone*

Who does that? Who is that inconsiderate, you don't know me, its fricking 230am, I don't care if your buddy isn't around ... ITS 230AM! And I was having an awesome dream.

I know some people might ask "why did you pick up the phone in the first place?", well because it could have been my brother ... he has a troubled home life with his commonlaw and it wouldn't be unexpected to have him show up my door in the middle of the night.

To quote someone, the more people I meet the more I like my cats.

Ireland trip forecast

2007-08-03T18:55:00.001-04:00

Rainy with a chance of not going :(

Since apparently I don't have two weeks off a year, its only one and I already took that week in February. And both Paula and Elmyra (my co workers) are going to be in school in the fall, and so, my shifts might not be able to be covered.

But, we'll see what happens.

Sarah's gross

2007-08-01T20:04:00.000-04:00

So, I'm on the phone with her ... talking about lovely things like maybe one day being roomies. And the conversation goes something like this:

Sarah: And I can keep to myself when there is a sock on the door.
Jamie: haha, ya... I'll be like 'sarah, go to your room and turn the music on really loud
Sarah: really loud, i'll block my ears
Jamie: And i'll just hear you from the other end of the apartment say, 'what, what do you want', 'sarah, i'm not calling out your name'
Sarah: 'what, you want me to do what?'
Jamie: and you'll say 'what, do what harder'?
Sarah: haha, oh, that'll be fun.

So ... Sarah's idea of fun is overhearing me have sex? -.^

So ....

2007-07-26T19:47:00.000-04:00

I think I might be going here in October:

In the wise words of Sarah Sharp

2007-07-18T22:42:00.001-04:00

*Jamie, Aron and Sarah are walking up a long ass flight of windy stairs built into a hill*

Jamie: *grumbles* oh my word
Aron: *up ahead* heh
Sarah: Don't worry Jamie, we'll make

*we turn the corner, realize there are still many more stairs*

Sarah: Aw, fuck.

Copy Catting

2007-07-16T13:04:00.001-04:00

Yes, I make my own words. From Shannon's post

[7:01am] Alarm goes off, hit snooze
[7:09am] Alarm goes off again, hit snooze again and do so until 7:30
[7:30am] Look at my cellphone, realize its actually only 6:30am and that I must have set my clock an hour ahead last night by accident. Reset alarm.
[7:17am] Alarm goes off for real, I hit snooze and then get up.
[7:52am] Try to tiptoe through my apartment and get ready as to not disturb the people sleeping on my couches. Fail when I can't find one of my bags, wake Sarah up.
[8:41am] The bus I need to connect to comes in 6 minutes, there is a Tim Hortens across the street, I want tea, I play the odds.
[8:46am] Still in line at Tim Hortens, people are morons, no sign of bus, I hope its late
[8:52am] I played the odds and I won, on bus to work.
[8:59am] Come into the office, phone is already ringing, play the superority card and don't answer as its 9am yet, they'll call back.
[9:17am] Prepare offer for an agent who only gives me half of the information I need, half of which was incorrect. Morons.
[9:30am] Gosh this day is slow, check email and websites
[9:58am] Someone may have sent me an email/updated their blog, check again
[10:26am] Repeat
[10:45am] Repeat
[11:12am] My boss comes in, must not be obvious in my lack of doing work, talk to a friend on gChat
[12:05pm] Start to get hungry, not really wanting the soup I brought for lunch.
[12:18pm] Boss must be reading my mind, offers to buy me Harvey's Veggie Burger for the heck of it
[1:16pm] Still waiting for boss to come back, that soup is looking kind of appetizing.

Song for a Monday

2007-07-16T10:47:00.000-04:00

Sometimes It Be That Way - Jewel

Night with its shattered teeth
Attempts to speak
My pen is present but
Courage left via the sink
And I'm sorry
I snuck up on you
From behind
I'm sorry not all
My love letters did rhyme
And I'm sorry that
Jesus died for my sins
And I swear to God
It won't happen again
And I'm sorry
If it was my swerve that
Tempted you to sway
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

And Romeo was
A very nice man
He said
"Jewel, I don't think
You quite understand"
And I'm sorry if you had
To explain it like this
I'm sorry I was a point
You were destined to miss
And I'm sorry
I spoke to you irreverently
Down in the hollow
By the old olive tree
And I'm sorry
If my heart breaking
Ruined your day
Oh well
Sometimes It be that way

I said
"Oh well, I got nothing
Left to sell
This love was a bell that
Rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out
That you didn't care
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

And Aphrodite with
Her neon lamp
Kissed Neptune
They put her face
On a stamp
And I'm sorry
I used it to mail
A letter to you
I'm sorry I'm glue and
The rest bounces off of you
And I'm sorry not even
This jet's metal wings
Could get across
These simple things
And I'm sorry
If I ever sang
Your name in vain
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

And Goldilocks
Well she knew three bears
They all ate oatmeal
And tiptoed upstairs
And I'm sorry
I never got to
Find you like this
Sleeping like a baby
And swaddled in bliss
And I'm sorry for
All the times
I forgot to imply something
In between the lines
And I'm sorry
If my heart breaking
Ruined your day
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

I said
"Oh well, I got nothing
Left to sell
This love was a bell that
Rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out
That you didn't care
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

And shadow's long fingers
They dance on the wall
Electricity chases
Its tail in the hall
And I'm sorry
If my arms to you
Were just empty rooms
I'm sorry
I never could comfort you
And I'm sorry
St. Petersburg is
A miserable town
And I'm sorry
If I am bringing you down
And I'm sorry
If I caused you pain
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

And flame licks the air
With its silver tongue
Night has many hands
But I have just one
And I'm sorry
I walked in on you
Unexpectedly
I'm sorry
I never served you
Camomile tea
And I'm sorry
I didn't always have a match
That could start
A fire big enough
For your heart to catch
And I'm sorry
If it was my swerve that
Tempted you to sway
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way

emo tear

2007-07-03T09:41:00.000-04:00

They haven't updated PostSecret.

How I've grown

2007-07-01T14:37:00.000-04:00

I lied.

I remember a couple of years ago, when I had to envision me at 21. I was petrified. I was scared because all support I had known most of my life would be taken from me. I was a ward of the government, and since I was 9, the government had pretty much been my parents.

I didn't know how I would survive, this whole paying rent, buying groceries, making enough money to survive ... all of this without a safety net.

I cried for many nights, because I thought, surely I would fail.

But I haven't, I'm doing pretty damn well for myself, some slip ups here and there ... but I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and a stable job. An amazing group of friends and an even more amazing Aunt.

I'm livin' a good life.

Even if I have paper blinds :)

Happy Canada Day

2007-07-01T11:35:00.001-04:00

2007-06-26T23:01:00.000-04:00

i do you know, sometimes, i do.

i do miss Him.

its getting closer

2007-06-25T10:25:00.000-04:00

26 more days ...

lyrics to check out

2007-06-20T00:59:00.000-04:00

I spent this past weekend up in Orillia with my Cousin Pat* ... and as always he sent me home with some music to check out, last time it was Victory Not Vengeance.

In addition to watching Michael Moore's new documentary SiCKO (a gooder, check it out when its released in the 29th haha), he sent me home with a new band called Wolfsheim (the official site is in German). Here is a song I like.

And I ...

Hoping... feeling...
I will come back to you
And hold you in my arms
And I...
I know you're wrong but
I can't change a single thing
It's like it's meant to be

Inside I feared to find it...
That you cannot stand the fact
I'm not in love with you!
And I...
I've got the feeling
That I've really had enough
It had to end right here

There was nothing left to lose
Despite the time we've spent...
Nothing left for you
And I...
Still had the feeling
I won't find in you what I still sought
So what am I to do

*Site not actually authored by Cousin Pat, though in his honour :)

And the countdown begins

2007-06-18T13:57:00.000-04:00

33 more days ...

w00t

2007-06-13T10:17:00.000-04:00

My friend Claire is arriving to Canada in one week! (She is from Australia).

And bringing me TimTams :p

New revelation?

2007-06-10T22:14:00.000-04:00

He is poison to my soul.
But I ~~love~~ ~~care~~ love him.

I really wish I didn't

one of those days

2007-05-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Its only 10am, I'm already defeated and want to call it a day, holding back tears. Bah.

pretty shitty (not bittersweet)

2007-05-20T12:55:00.002-04:00

I got an AWESOME tax return.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Which my aunt accidentally put in the wash instead of depositing it :(

Now to figure out how to get a replacement cheque.

bittersweet

2007-05-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

Yay I got an AWESOME income tax return.

Boo ... its going straight to debt.

Spammed

2007-05-16T09:48:00.000-04:00

At work, we were recently hunting for a third receptionist, and to speed up the process I had made posts on Craigs List and on another free website, and so I created a new email account and included it in the ads.

I've been thoroughly enjoying the spam that has been coming through my spambox. Lots of the "I'm a foreigner I have lots of money that I need youre help with attaining, I will give you percentage" or Ebay telling me that there have been problems with my recent transaction.

How do people fall for these scams? I mean, the Ebay one I guess I can understand, it does look kind of authentic ... but I haven't used Ebay in like 2 years, and not with that address.

But these foreigner ones, I have to wonder what kind of schmuck actually falls for those now and days, there have been so much publicity educating people that these are SCAMS. But I guess a sucker is born every minute.

Everyone has a cheesy romance song they secretly like

2007-05-07T18:37:00.000-04:00

Or at least I hope they do

Mine is:

I'll Be - Goo Goo Dolls

The strands in your eyes
the color them wonderfull
stop me
then steal my breath
emeralds from mountains

thrust towards the sky
never revealing their depth

Tell me
that we belong together
dress it up
with the trappings of love
ill be captivated
ill hang from your lips
instead of the gallows
of heartache that hang from above

Ill be
your crying shoulder
ill be
loves suicide
i'll be
badder when i'm older
ill be
the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls
angry on the tin roof
as we lie awake in my bed
you're my survival
you're my living proof
my love is alive
not dead

Tell me
that we belong together
dress it up
with the trappings of love
ill be captivated
ill hang from your lips
instead of the gallows
of heartache that hang from above

Ill be
your crying shoulder
ill be
loves suicide
i'll be
badder when i'm older
ill be
the greatest fan of your life

I dropped out
I burned up
I found my way back from the dead
I tuned in
And turned on
Remembering the things that you said

Ill be
Your crying shoulder
Ill be
Loves suicide
Ill be
Better when im older
Ill be
The greatest fan of yourrr....
Ill be
Your crying shoulder
Ill be
Loves suicide
Ill be
Better when im older
Ill be
The greatest fan of life

Night wandering

2007-05-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

So, just over a week ago fellow wanderers and I went wandering through Toronto late at night. And we, oh so innocently, came wandering down a quiet, upperclass street called Lewes crescent, minding our own business, admiring the pretty houses. When we hit the corner house, number 20. Whose front of the house was all glass, and whose owner owned a rather large screen tv. And on which TV was SKANKY PORN, for the world to see. As we stood there, in shock, aghast, ... I, the brave soul that I am, went up and knocked on the door!

Then ran away.

But, I wrote an anonymous letter that said:

Dear Pervert,

If you want to watch dirty skanky porn in the comfort of your own home, buy some damn blinds. Noone wants to see that shit.

Sincerely,

Night Wanderer

poopy day

2007-04-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

Korn makes all better.

Freak on a Leash - Korn

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Somethings raped and taken from me... from me.
Lifes got to always be messing with me. (you wanna see the light)
Cant they chill and let me be free? (so do I)
Cant I take away all this pain. (you wanna see the light)
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.
Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes its my life I cant taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
Youll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Feeling like a freak on a leash. (you wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release. (so do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (you wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free... is free
Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes its my life I cant taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
Youll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
Go!
So...fight! something on the...
Fight...some things they fight
So...something on the...
Fight...some things they fight
Fight...something of the
No...some things they fight
Fight...something of the...
Fight...some things they fight
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Part of me...
Part of me...
Part of me...
Oh...

Something light hearted

2007-04-25T20:59:00.000-04:00

*originally posted on monster sarcasm rally*

1. Go to Google Maps
2. Click on "get directions"
3. Type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
4. Type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
5. Click on "get directions"
6. Scroll down to step #24

A few fashion notes

2007-04-20T15:31:00.000-04:00

Alright, so, ladies ... at least the ones that I saw today. Allow me to point out a couple of things.

First things first ... TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS. I don't care who told you, they lied. Tights are to be worn under articles of clothing, and sorry sister, your kind of past your waist tank top, does not constitute an appropriate article clothing pairing for tights.

And I'm not talking about stirrup style of tights, I mean honest to goodness silk type tights.

Also, yes, its warm outside say YAY for 19 degrees, yay! However, it it is only April 20th, its a tad bit early for the shorts and flip flops folks.

Am I American?

2007-04-13T12:24:00.001-04:00

for the last couple of days, when bored and not really thinking, I've started humming the american national anthem, not entirely sure why.

Don't mess with me

2007-04-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

Alright, so ... I have some pet peeves, its not a surprise ... I can be a pleasant person, just don't piss me off. I'm pretty good about letting people know what irks me, I'm not the type to let someone continue to annoy me, unaware, and harbour some secret grudge against them. But then there are pet peeves when it comes to public spaces and the TTC ... here are the big ones:

- people who stand right at the stop, in the shelter or close enough to me that I have to breathe in their second hand smoke (and cough and feel nauseous). You want to light a cigarette, then be considerate and go far far away. I can not wait for the day that smoking will be banned in all public spaces.

- big strollers on the vehicles ... I might get grief for this one, because I don't have any children, in which case I would like to point out that my aunt had 3 children all within 2 or 3 years of one another, and never once took a stroller or carriage on a TTC vehicle. I can handle umbrella strollers, but if you are bringing a full out baby carriage (like this one) then, use a frickin' baby jumper, strap that child to your stomach and save us the hassle of trying to maneuver around your stroller. I also love the people who, on the new busses, park their fucking stroller right by the driver and leave little less than a foot of space to shimmy by. Bah! Really, big strollers should not be allowed on crowded busses, bikes aren't, animals aren't ... your stupid oversized carriage shouldn't be either.

- on a similar note, how about people who leave their backpacks on, especially when the bus is crowded, I stand there, I say "excuse me" they move in just a little, but you still have something that is sticking a foot of your back, and then have the audacity to give ME a dirty look when I have to shove past them. I always move my bag around and have it tight against the front of my body, if I have a backpack, I put it on the ground (because if it falls over, it has a zipper, nothing will come out, my messanger bag doesn't). This morning there was a young teenaged boy on the bus, maybe 14 ... with probably every text book he owned in his backpack, blocking the entire way, I said excuse me 3 times (he didn't have headphones on, he was just being ignorant) till I finally pushed him forward to get past. Really, the more people I meet, the more cats seem like the better species.

And on a final ranting note, I went to Timmie's this morning, and I understand breakfast rushes can be difficult, but if I tell you that what you are giving me wasn't what I ordered, don't try to argue with me. Because honestly, who in their right mind would order an everything bagel toasted with herb and garlic cream cheese WITH bacon? I ordered the bagel (for lunch) and a bacon breakfast sandwich. But it wasn't until he went back on the register to see the original order did he realize they fucked up, then tried to just take the bacon (and most of the cream cheese) off the bagel and give it to me, I didn't say anything I just gave the stare down. They got the message and made me a new bagel.

As reference, I was drinking last night with a friend till almost 3am and then had to be at work, I'm a little grumpy :)

Woo

2007-04-01T12:12:00.000-04:00

Extortion is fun :)

Messed up artwork and crosswalks are NOT an optional stop

2007-03-28T10:31:00.000-04:00

Before I rant, I thought this situation was funny. A friend and I were talking about things that got us in trouble in school, and I mentioned my grade 6 "self portrait" (supposed to draw your inner self) of a vampire with the slogan "blood, you got to love it" (I was convinced I was a vampire) and you know, needless to say it didn't get put up on the wall and instead got a parent/teacher meeting. But I think her story tops mine:

"LOL . I CONVINCED THIS ONE GIRL IN MY CLASS THAT I WAS A DAYWALKER. AND I DID GET THE OL PARENT INTERVIEW FOR DRAWING PICTURES OF SATANCLAWS. HE DELIVERED SEVERED HEADS INSTEAD OF PRESENTS. MY GOD WAS I A FUCKED UP KID" (Missina, I for some reason thought of you)

With that humourous story out of the way, allow me to rant.

Crosswalks.

There is a crosswalk by my work, and really the only option for "safe" crossing unless I want to walk 5 minutes north or south to get a set of lights. But apparently, pressing the button, waiting a moment and beginning to cross is not safe, as I was almost hit by a stupid driver this morning, who apparently thought stopping was optional. Its not the first time, usually I have to play the game of "hmm, I wonder if this car is going to actually stop".

And let me tell you, asshole, take your head out of your ass, get off your fucking cellphone and PAY ATTENTION. Stopping halfway through the crosswalk, and then having the nerve to signal for me to cross with a look that I've been a TERRIBLE inconvience is not okay. I didn't just almost hit your car, you almost hit me. Dick.

Goodbye Guido

2007-03-22T11:29:00.000-04:00

Tom's mom (Guido's original owner) came and picked up Guido half an hour ago. I didn't know it would hurt this much ... and thats not even factoring the awesome set of back claw scratches I now have on my thigh and arms.

I tried cuddling with her today, but she would have none of it. When I took the cage out an hour ago, she was under my bed. And when I tried to get her to put her in, she would run away from me and start rubbing herself against everything.

I won't forget you Gweeds, don't you worry.

Another song

2007-03-21T12:24:00.000-04:00

Its sad and depressing, but for some reason ...

Long Way to Happy - Pink

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottem of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Matters of the heart, or the mind, or maybe its just hormones

2007-03-21T10:19:00.000-04:00

I ran into Malcolm last night ... and I don't know what to make of things.

3 days ago we decided (via text)that it was just a bad time to start something ... last night I slept in his arms.

Lets not mention the profession of love to my bestfriend less than 12 hours earlier (he let me down gently, don't worry).

I wish I knew what I wanted.

A personality flaw?

2007-03-19T17:52:00.000-04:00

Its not that I've just come to realize this, or that I necessary feel that I need to justify myself. But I'd like to explain, its more for my benefit than yours.

I don't know how to just "let things go", when things are unclear, I need clarity/closure whether negative or positive, but to leave it in the air, it just drives me insane.

For example, a situation like the one with Malcolm. I didn't follow Jeff's advice. I just, I don't know, its common courtesy to not just ignore someone. I'd never do it someone else, leave them to hang, and so I don't know how people can do it to others. And so, I continue to keep in contact ... not because I think its going to change anything but because I want them to say something. I do know enough to realize that someone isn't interested, however, I want them to say it. I want that closure.

And so, I'd really just rather be told to fuck off than to be just straight up ignored. I can "take a hint", but I think people shouldn't have to read between the lines. Whatever happened to honesty and straightforwardness?

I know I expect too much from people as a whole, because I understand its just how things go. Doesn't mean I have to accept it.

Because, being felt like you are being ignored is one of the worse feelings in the world.

ZeFrank

2007-03-19T12:46:00.000-04:00

So my friend Aron introduced me to a videoblogger (is that the term) called ZeFrank. A little late in the game, as his last show was on Friday ... but there is a year of archives. To kickstart you, this is my favourite so far: click here

owie owie owie

2007-03-14T09:01:00.000-04:00

I don't know what I've done but my big toe KILLS, I can walk, so I'm not convinced its broken. But having never broken my toe I can't say for sure. But walking all hurt like is also hurting my calf and ankle.

Ow.

Venting 2.0

2007-03-13T15:46:00.001-04:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*expletive* *expletive* *expletive*

... breakdown finished, continue on your way.

New hair ... :o

2007-03-11T14:07:00.000-04:00

Some lyrics to read over

2007-03-11T13:53:00.000-04:00

These are the lyrics to my friend Michelle's song called Absolute. She considers this her thesis for bible college.

Absolute - Michelle Luxon

You ask me how I'm holding up through
All these trials I'm facing
Your voice is laced with enthusiasm
For the life that you think I've chosen.
And your questions tell more about you
Than my answers are sure to do
About me and my comfortability
With a faith born out of conformity.

Only fools are certain and immovable
Like it's a sin to be thinking
That nothing's absolute.
Where's the faith, where's belief?
You can't tie it down.

Don't give me the bible.
'Cause I wouldn't want anyone
To take one line I have said
And give it a strictly literal bent
You could take it outta context.
Take it outta meaning
Put it in another language
And tell me what I am saying.

You can't release someone who
Knows that they are free
You can't have a system without corruption
Their religion is a quotation
And we all pay for conformity in the end.

"Clang clang rattle bing bang gonna make my noise all day..."

2007-03-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

No ... you're not! (in the style of Teen Girl Squad)

Confused? Let me explain.

The woman in the apartment below mine is ridicilious, she plays her music at such a volume that it is louder in MY apartment, than the volume at which I play my own music at.

On average I'm woken up 3 mornings a week by her music (she starts playing it at about 11am, I don't have to be up till noon). And its been like that for a year.

Recently, I've gotten fed up and decided to do a little searching and figure out if there was something I could do to make it stop. So I emailed the city about noise by laws and part of the response I got was as follows:

The first step you should take is to approach the property manager
again and explain your concerns. Show him/her a copy of this e-mail or a
copy of the Noise Bylaw as well. Explain that if no action is taken by
them, you will be asking the City to enforce the Noise Bylaw.

You can find a copy of the City of Toronto Municipal Code Chapter 591,
Noise on our Web site at
http://www.toronto.ca/legdocs/municode/1184_591.pdf

The Noise Chapter is broken up into four main parts as follows:
1. General Prohibition
"No person shall make, cause or permit noise or vibration, at any time,
which is likely to disturb the quiet, peace, rest, enjoyment, comfort or
convenience of the inhabitants of the City."

This general prohibition applies in your case.

So with this knowledge in hand, the next time I was woken up I went down to her apartment, knocked for two minutes (when the song ended she was able to hear me) and just politely (yes ... politely, I know you may doubt it, but I was nice) explained that her music wakes me up as it is very loud in my bedroom and if she could turn it down some. She did, but I could still hear it in my apartment but not well enough to sing along to it anymore.

I was doing alright, it wasn't that bad. Then Monday happened. I was woken up at 9:25 IN THE MORNING to "you're beautiful ... you're beautiful its true" blaring in my apartment. I put on my housecoat and went straight to my supers and told them they had to go do something about it.

But, I've had enough ... I gave my supers a letter yesterday saying that if it happened again, noise complaints were going to start happening and complaints to the property management. And lucky me, I just happen to be friendly with a police man :)

! erm &!

2007-03-07T10:41:00.000-05:00

Someone called and was like the name is "Smith ampersand Smith" ... I had to double check that I knew what ampersand [&] meant. Too classy to use the description "the and symbol".

Prepare for Mass Chaos!!!!!

2007-03-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

The removal of the walk left stand right signs.

I'll still be the one loudly saying "excuse me" to the ignorami (plural of ignoramus) who stand on BOTH sides.

For those who thought I was exaggerating

2007-03-06T10:43:00.000-05:00

When I said I was the only white kid in my classes ... I have proof :)

What Jamie is listening to on repeat currently ...

2007-03-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

Love Will Come Through - Travis (Sarah introduced me to this song)

If I told you a secret
You won't tell a soul
Will you hold it and keep it alive
Cause it's burning a hole
And I can't get to sleep
And I can't live alone in this lie

So look up
Take it away
Don't look da-da-da- down the mountain

If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return
Anyone, anything, anyhow

So take me don't leave me
Take me don't leave me
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you

Well I stand at the crossroads
Of highroads and lowroads
And I got a feeling it's right

If it's real what I'm feeling
There's no makebelieving
The sound of the wings of the flight of a dove

Take it away
Don't look da-da-da down the mountain
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone anything anyhow...

So take me don't leave me
Take me don't leave me
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you

So look up
Take it away
Don't look da-da-da- down

If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone anything anyhow...

So take me don't leave me
Take me don't leave me
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you

Love will come through
Love will come through
Love will come through

I'm back and once again I left good weather

2007-03-01T16:56:00.000-05:00

So, at 10:00pm last night Missina and I landed at Pearson. Got our bags, got a taxi limo and got the hell on our way home (or to my home and then she continued the trip back to her place via TTC).

I find it kind of funny that when I left Toronto it was so nice and I was like, "man, I be so crazy to be going to Manitoba and Northern Alberta", Calgary will be experiencing a chinook this weekend and seeing tempatures of 12 degrees, I got caught in a snow storm today. Honestly to get from Lawrence and Dufferin to 2 stops past Lawrence and Dufferin took 30 MINUTES! When I decided to get off the bus and just walk.

We managed to pretty much travel the length of Alberta in our 3 days of travel time (we flew back to Ontario on the 4th day) take a look:

Day 1: Fort McMurray to Plamondon, 258km (approx. 3hrs)

Day 2: Plamondon to Edmonton, 203km (approx 2.5hrs)

Day 3 in the morning (left at 6:30am): Edmonton to Coleman (in Crows Nest Pass) 513km (approx 5hrs15mins)

Day 3 in the afternoon (left at like 4:30pmish): Coleman to Calgary 220kms (approx 2.5hrs)

The overall view:

Pictures to follow at a later date.

Deja Vu?

2007-02-27T01:22:00.000-05:00

So I'm back in Edmonton, again ... got to Fort McMurray, spent a day and a half there, went to Dustin's church, a lowkey pentecostal ... then we drove to Plamandon (sp?) to his parents house, place is frickin' huge ... and has themed rooms, I slept in the "Bear Room" thankfully no stuffed bears were to be found.

Then we came to Edmonton and spent the day in West Edmonton mall, that place is crazy, an indoor amusement park, water park, rollercoaster, sea lions, ice rink etc. etc. and the Silver City here has a dragon that breathes fire, actual fire. And minimum wage is something stupid like 14 bucks an hour. Tomorrow we are off to Calgary and then we come back on Wednesday.

Days left on trip: 2
Items not bought: Macbook (though I did win a free play on my super 7 ticket from Winnipeg)
Times I've made an ass of myself: at least a dozen

I am very, very happy to be going to Calgary tomorrow. Baby Ben here I come!

Currently in the Edmonton Airport

2007-02-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

So ... after paying 8.95 plus taxes to access their WiFi, I won't be extremely bored during the 3.5 hour stop over that we have. I guess its worth it ... the hotel we were at, I couldn't manage to access their wireless network, which blew.

And part of the reason I needed to get online was to check the actual departure of our flight this morning, I thought it was 7:30am ... well, it was 7am. So after some mad driving, mild cursing and a race (and a groping) through the airport we managed to get on the plane. Out of breath, but on the plane.

And now we are in the grand 'ol city of Edmonton ... just the airport, but we're here, we are 2 hours behind you guys, I haven't experiences 1pm yet (such an odd concept for me). Waiting for our plane to Fort McMurray, and I got groped again by the security guard. But not Missina, maybe by her virtue or something, she couldn't ever be up to no good :P

Signs you are in a hick town ...

2007-02-23T12:40:00.000-05:00

So here I am in Portage La Prarie, Manitoba ... woo hoo? I mean, I'm here to see lovely people so that is nice. However, there are somethings to note ...

We went to the "Portage Cinema Centre" last night to see Ghost Rider (their hot new flick, pretty impressive they have it on release date), they were also playing Pursuit of Happyness and Hannibal Rising.

Their theatre only has one show time, thats it, 8pm. That was the first sign as Matt said "they would be losing money to their employees pay than they would do on sales. Oh, and sales ... their hitech security is a rope, a conveniently placed potter and a desk where you pay, you don't get tickets you just proceed.

And well, the biggest sign is when you walk into the theatre and there is a handful of people and you know all of them ...

Look at this guy ...

2007-02-21T10:15:00.000-05:00

I want him to be my friend

Its too warm here!

2007-02-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

So, Ontario is about to be hit with a warm spell ... look at our 7 day forecast:

Isn't it going to be lovely, isn't it going to be grand.

Commit me to a mental institution because lets look at the forecast for Fort McMurray where I will be on Saturday:

Is it Mid February already!

2007-02-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

Once again, the conference is here! Woo Hoo. I will again resume my post of administrator (read the directors bitch/gopher) ... don't get me wrong, I do love this conference. This is my 6th year, and I either really enjoy myself or I'm crazy ... since I PAY to run myself ragged, not sleep Friday night ... and pretty much be on the go from 330 this afternoon to midnight tomorrow night.

I just hope this year I won't get stuck going to the highschool seminars AGAIN (they are pretty much the same every year, and lets face it ... I'm frickin' 21 years old!).

So, here is an old post ...

2007-02-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

I wrote the following post in the early fall of 2005:

************************************************************

I wrote this while at the beach today..

Decked out in heeled boots, dress pants and dress caot, I headed down to Neville Park to spend some time by the water. I looked like I belonged here, all preppy ... or completely ridicilious as I tried to walk down a grass hill in 3 inch heels.

I'm sitting here now in a peekaboo crevice made by rocks. My ass is cold. I'm not sure what I am waiting for as I can hear the waves crash all around me. Maybe I'm waiting for a message in a bottle to float on by, to tell me the purpose of my life, because I'm not sure I understand.

The clouds above me are grey and dank, concealing the sun, but still streams of sun pour through. I wish I felt that I related to the sun, goodness that is trying to break through the darkness. But I feel like the clouds, wanting to block the sun, hide the good.

In my disc man is a mixed cd, I made before leaving this morning. Currently playing is Lisa Leob:
'And even though no one is looking
she is falling apart...'

I spend a lot of time in my apartment, where no one can see or understand the unravelling and I don't talk to people, as to not cause concern.

I wrote a letter to my friend Simon awhile ago, talking about the facade that I felt I put on and could no longer hold up, and I feel the same way.

I've changed this summer, and no I don't believe all change is good.

I'm not sure I know God anymore, I'm not saying that He is not real, I just don't know if I really ever knew who He was.

I have faith, I think, I just don't know in what. But I will do as Leanne Womack sings:
'Promise me you'll give faith
a fighting chance...'

And as I get ready to wrap up and leave, Eminem comes on 'Like toy soldiers' and I feel like I'm not supposed to 'blow my composure' to show the ways in which I fuck up. I need to do a lot of soul searching..

But like these boots, trying to be who I was in June, trying to keep the change inside, is giving me blisters...

***********************************************************

And I'd like to say that with my decision to leave the Church, I feel much more comfortable in my shoes.

The talk of the town ...

2007-02-07T10:43:00.000-05:00

So, a couple of weeks ago, after many many many months of thinking and contemplating and talking and getting advice, and more thinking and more contemplating. I decided to leave the Church (note, the big C church, note 2, the church, not faith). *ducks, waits for lightning (sp?) to strike*. Apparently making that choice isn't going to give me instant-smite. Phew.

Now, I recognize that some may not appreciate that previous paragraph, the sarcasm, the "blatant disregard". But, let me tell you, all I've dealt with for the last couple of weeks is a gazillion emails (my need to be honest with where I'm at, and recognizing that this is a pretty big choice). With responses ranging from the general "I'm happy for you" to "mwah ha ha, welcome to the darkside" to "You're going to hell".

And for the sake of keeping this post short. One of the things that had me thinking for a long time were my personal values/morals vs. church values/morals (for lack of a better term). And well, I'm a genuine, sincere, caring, hospitable and pretty much good natured person, not solely because I'm a Christian but because that is how I have always been, they just happen to fit nicely into the "Christian image". But when I look at things like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, abortion, other religions, divorce etc., which are things that the collective Church has pretty much frowned upon (and yes, I understand that even non-Christians frown upon those things too). But I honestly don't believe that any of those things are wrong.

And I think there is another group of people out there who go to Church and during the week clearly do not live a life that the church would "condone", I'm one of those people. I don't believe my actions are wrong, and so I don't want to put forth an image or idea that someone may have of me, that is clearly inaccurate.

I intend to live my life with as much respect for myself as possible, while pissing off the least amount of people. I believe that God exists and that Jesus died for my sins. And I believe that if there is a heaven, I won't be stuck outside the pearly gates.

I also hope to come back to church because I want it, need it, and that its real for me. And right now its an obligation and a measure to which I have been made to feel like a failure.

Fini.

Oh, and I guess ... if you want/need to email me about it ... its awakemysoul [at] gmail [dot] com.

Revelations on Men (screw policeman, professors are the new in)

2007-02-02T16:23:00.000-05:00

So, I never heard from Malcolm, and its the first time I've been put in this situation. But, I talked to Victor (kind of interesting to talk to him, considering the history). But he made a good point, in pointing out that why its hard for me to deal with is because I usually give 100%, and I would never leave someone hanging like that, so how could someone else? And its true, I'm sure I will probably run into him again (maybe even this Tuesday if he follows the same rotations as the couple I sit for), and I'm not sure what I will do. I just like closure, its not like I'm lost without him ... I just want to know what his damage is, other than that he has a Y chromosome (sorry Jeff and Aron).

But another piece of wisdom that my friend Kate passed on to me, that she learned from a dude. That, girls, we usually give the benefit of the doubt too quickly. And, apparently, if a guy is truly interested there is no such thing as "too busy".

But, I finally met up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months, he is a university professor/high school teacher for French (he is 30) out in Guelph. He's pretty nifty, we hung out, and then we went out for lunch, and when I tried to pay, he wouldn't let me. And he sent me an email when he got back to Guelph telling me what a good time he had, and I woke up to a sweet one from him this morning. We're going to try to connect on the 10th (I don't have to work).

We'll see if anything comes from it.

Wisdom from a Musical

2007-01-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap! (Defying Gravity, Wicked)

(also, I feel like my decision to leave the Church [read: I'm not leaving faith] requires me to draft seperation papers or something, my word).

Behold! A history making moment ....

2007-01-29T15:14:00.000-05:00

Missina, this one is for you.

I've linked, for the first time ever, to a blog of a person I have never met.

The person of honour, Mr. Jeff. Jeff first appeared on my blogger, left a comment sometime ago ... I'm not sure how he encountered my blog, or what has kept him coming. (And hey, if you want to let me know, that'd be nifty).

But I figure if I read his blog, and ask for his opinion I might as well be proud and link to him, even though I've never met him and pretty sure I never will.

But, hey, Missina, be proud :)

Travel Anxiety and Man Troubles

2007-01-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

Alright, so, me and the Cool People are having a trip. I call it the "Get me the heck out of Ontario trip", we shall be going to Manitoba to visit this girl. I'm good with this, I'm fine with this, I'm excited about this.

But ...

After the Manitoba portion, myself and Missina are travelling to the lovely little town in northern Alberta called Fort McMurray. We will see a boy, we will see a boy's cousin, we will see a boy's parents, housemates, friends in Edmonton. I don't need to see the boy ... and well, now, I'm getting a little antsy ... I am affected by the foot-in-mouth condition on a regular basis. I'm kind of a bitch ... and will, bah, I just want to make my friend happy ... but I'm worried. I'm really worried.

But, I'm just a worry wart.

And now on to the boy situation ...

So I met this boy (well, man, he's 28), a police man. I'll try to tell the story as briefly as possible.

I met him at the bar me and my sister go to, I first met him at the beginning of December and we really hit it off, spent many hours talking (and you know kissing) I gave him my number, and never heard from him.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I ran into him again, he told me he had been coming by the bar every chance that he got in hopes of running into me because he had lost my number. We hung out again that night, and I hauled my ass out of bed on a Friday morning at 630am to hang out with him (he was on night shifts). And we had "the talk" you know, the one where I tell him I kind of fancy him and not sure what that means, and he tells me that he likes me, but doesn't want to rush into anything (got out of a serious relationship in October) and wants to hang out. I'm fine with hanging out, in fact, we hung out for a bunch after "the talk".

Then he went away to Montreal for a bunch of days. When he returned, he said work was busy ... and so we had limited contact. We talked last Thursday, and made plans to follow up on making plans. I sent him a text before I went to bed Thursday night, no word, I gave him a call around the time he would be getting ready for work Friday evening, no answer, I sent him a final text message of "Give me a call when you get the chance?", that was Saturday afternoon, no word since.

I'm thinking I may have scared him off ... I'm not clingy or desperate, I just suck at this part of "the game" (damn game, fucking feelings) and have no patience, I suck at the "let to hang" position. I need clarity, I strive for clarity ... I dig myself into deeper holes for said clarity.

So, at this point, I don't think I've done anything that maybe a little bit of time and a little bit of humour might fix. So, I'm thinking maybe on the weekend or Monday (so, a good solid week of no contact) just send a light hearted text ... something along the lines of:

"So, I came on a lil strong 'eh? Sorry 'bout that. Are you still frightened?;) Let me know. I sure like honesty :) Jamie.

The sure like thing is how he states things, which is why I'm using it.

Your thoughts (hey Jeff, if you read this ... I'd appreciate your thoughts as a guy).

Fini.

Another Song

2007-01-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

Every Me and Every You by Placebo

Sucker love is heaven sent.
You pucker up, our passions spent.
My hearts a tart, your bodys rent.
My bodys broken, yours is bent.

Carve your name into my arm.
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.
Cuz theres nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz theres nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every me...he

Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
Theres never been so much at stake.
I serve my head up on a plate.
Its only comfort, calling late.
Cuz theres nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every me...he

Every me and every you,
Every me...he

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know Im selfish, Im unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.
Theres nothing here
but what heres heres mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.Every me and every you,
Every me...he

Every me and every you,
Every me...he (x4)

My doctor rocks ...

2007-01-14T07:26:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I have crazy infection ... I think its strep ... it hurts to swallow, my ears ache and I have white spots on my tongue (I can't see my tonsils because I can't control my tongue [it drives my dentist mental]). Its so bad that swallowing makes me cry, even if its just water. And I can't sleep.

So at 6:30am I called my doctors answering service to see if there was any chance he was gonna be opened today (he is closed on Sundays), cause the two walk ins I know by my house are both closed on Sundays.

So, the answering service offered to page him, and I told them it wasn't an emergency. So I figured they would send him an email or something (which is what I do at my office for calls for my boss).

Well, he called me back at 6:45, and said he'd come into the office this afternoon and see me because he doesn't want me to go a walk in.

How nice :) My doctor, was also the attending physician who delivered me ... so he's been around my whole life.

Yet Another Song

2007-01-09T16:00:00.000-05:00

Sleeping In - The Postal Service

Last week i had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where there never any mystery on who shot john f kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the center
And became famous on that day in november

Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in

And then last night i had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in november

Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
(now we can swim any day in november)
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in

Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
OOo oOo oOo

ps. that one line "Slightly bored and severly confused", I like it. I like it a lot.

I'm getting too old for this ...

2007-01-06T11:35:00.000-05:00

I'm at work ... I have slept ... maybe 45 minutes, broken up, since yesterday.

After DnD it seemed like such a good idea to hang out and chat, and I definitely did enjoy it. And as I laid there listening to Tim read his stories about being in Europe and I drifted in between the lands of Nod and reality.

I knew I shouldn't be where I am.

Song Time

2007-01-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

So I went to go see Wicked (the musical) on Saturday night with my dear Auntie Carole (I had bought her tickets for christmas/birthday). It was wonderful! I really wish that I could afford to go to more theatre. And if Wicked ever makes a return to Toronto broadway, I will definitely see it again. I'm starting to read the book (which ... well, I don't know if its cause I'm half asleep with a busy mind, but its kind of hard to get into ... I'm really hoping it picks up).

But anywho, here is a song from the musical ... chosen for more than just the fact it was in Wicked.

I'M NOT THAT GIRL

ELPHABA
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm Not That Girl

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of 'What-Might-Have-Been'
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in...

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the Girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm Not That Girl

Don't wish, don't Start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a Girl I know
He loves her so
I'm Not That Girl