Deja Vu?

So I'm back in Edmonton, again ... got to Fort McMurray, spent a day and a half there, went to Dustin's church, a lowkey pentecostal ... then we drove to Plamandon (sp?) to his parents house, place is frickin' huge ... and has themed rooms, I slept in the "Bear Room" thankfully no stuffed bears were to be found.

Then we came to Edmonton and spent the day in West Edmonton mall, that place is crazy, an indoor amusement park, water park, rollercoaster, sea lions, ice rink etc. etc. and the Silver City here has a dragon that breathes fire, actual fire. And minimum wage is something stupid like 14 bucks an hour. Tomorrow we are off to Calgary and then we come back on Wednesday.

Days left on trip: 2
Items not bought: Macbook (though I did win a free play on my super 7 ticket from Winnipeg)
Times I've made an ass of myself: at least a dozen

I am very, very happy to be going to Calgary tomorrow. Baby Ben here I come!

Currently in the Edmonton Airport

So ... after paying 8.95 plus taxes to access their WiFi, I won't be extremely bored during the 3.5 hour stop over that we have. I guess its worth it ... the hotel we were at, I couldn't manage to access their wireless network, which blew.

And part of the reason I needed to get online was to check the actual departure of our flight this morning, I thought it was 7:30am ... well, it was 7am. So after some mad driving, mild cursing and a race (and a groping) through the airport we managed to get on the plane. Out of breath, but on the plane.

And now we are in the grand 'ol city of Edmonton ... just the airport, but we're here, we are 2 hours behind you guys, I haven't experiences 1pm yet (such an odd concept for me). Waiting for our plane to Fort McMurray, and I got groped again by the security guard. But not Missina, maybe by her virtue or something, she couldn't ever be up to no good :P

Signs you are in a hick town ...

So here I am in Portage La Prarie, Manitoba ... woo hoo? I mean, I'm here to see lovely people so that is nice. However, there are somethings to note ...

We went to the "Portage Cinema Centre" last night to see Ghost Rider (their hot new flick, pretty impressive they have it on release date), they were also playing Pursuit of Happyness and Hannibal Rising.

Their theatre only has one show time, thats it, 8pm. That was the first sign as Matt said "they would be losing money to their employees pay than they would do on sales. Oh, and sales ... their hitech security is a rope, a conveniently placed potter and a desk where you pay, you don't get tickets you just proceed.

And well, the biggest sign is when you walk into the theatre and there is a handful of people and you know all of them ...

Look at this guy ...

I want him to be my friend

Its too warm here!

So, Ontario is about to be hit with a warm spell ... look at our 7 day forecast:



Isn't it going to be lovely, isn't it going to be grand.

Commit me to a mental institution because lets look at the forecast for Fort McMurray where I will be on Saturday:

Is it Mid February already!

Once again, the conference is here! Woo Hoo. I will again resume my post of administrator (read the directors bitch/gopher) ... don't get me wrong, I do love this conference. This is my 6th year, and I either really enjoy myself or I'm crazy ... since I PAY to run myself ragged, not sleep Friday night ... and pretty much be on the go from 330 this afternoon to midnight tomorrow night.

I just hope this year I won't get stuck going to the highschool seminars AGAIN (they are pretty much the same every year, and lets face it ... I'm frickin' 21 years old!).

So, here is an old post ...

I wrote the following post in the early fall of 2005:

************************************************************

I wrote this while at the beach today..

Decked out in heeled boots, dress pants and dress caot, I headed down to Neville Park to spend some time by the water. I looked like I belonged here, all preppy ... or completely ridicilious as I tried to walk down a grass hill in 3 inch heels.

I'm sitting here now in a peekaboo crevice made by rocks. My ass is cold. I'm not sure what I am waiting for as I can hear the waves crash all around me. Maybe I'm waiting for a message in a bottle to float on by, to tell me the purpose of my life, because I'm not sure I understand.

The clouds above me are grey and dank, concealing the sun, but still streams of sun pour through. I wish I felt that I related to the sun, goodness that is trying to break through the darkness. But I feel like the clouds, wanting to block the sun, hide the good.

In my disc man is a mixed cd, I made before leaving this morning. Currently playing is Lisa Leob:
'And even though no one is looking
she is falling apart...'

I spend a lot of time in my apartment, where no one can see or understand the unravelling and I don't talk to people, as to not cause concern.

I wrote a letter to my friend Simon awhile ago, talking about the facade that I felt I put on and could no longer hold up, and I feel the same way.

I've changed this summer, and no I don't believe all change is good.

I'm not sure I know God anymore, I'm not saying that He is not real, I just don't know if I really ever knew who He was.

I have faith, I think, I just don't know in what. But I will do as Leanne Womack sings:
'Promise me you'll give faith
a fighting chance...'

And as I get ready to wrap up and leave, Eminem comes on 'Like toy soldiers' and I feel like I'm not supposed to 'blow my composure' to show the ways in which I fuck up. I need to do a lot of soul searching..

But like these boots, trying to be who I was in June, trying to keep the change inside, is giving me blisters...

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And I'd like to say that with my decision to leave the Church, I feel much more comfortable in my shoes.

The talk of the town ...

So, a couple of weeks ago, after many many many months of thinking and contemplating and talking and getting advice, and more thinking and more contemplating. I decided to leave the Church (note, the big C church, note 2, the church, not faith). *ducks, waits for lightning (sp?) to strike*. Apparently making that choice isn't going to give me instant-smite. Phew.

Now, I recognize that some may not appreciate that previous paragraph, the sarcasm, the "blatant disregard". But, let me tell you, all I've dealt with for the last couple of weeks is a gazillion emails (my need to be honest with where I'm at, and recognizing that this is a pretty big choice). With responses ranging from the general "I'm happy for you" to "mwah ha ha, welcome to the darkside" to "You're going to hell".

And for the sake of keeping this post short. One of the things that had me thinking for a long time were my personal values/morals vs. church values/morals (for lack of a better term). And well, I'm a genuine, sincere, caring, hospitable and pretty much good natured person, not solely because I'm a Christian but because that is how I have always been, they just happen to fit nicely into the "Christian image". But when I look at things like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, abortion, other religions, divorce etc., which are things that the collective Church has pretty much frowned upon (and yes, I understand that even non-Christians frown upon those things too). But I honestly don't believe that any of those things are wrong.

And I think there is another group of people out there who go to Church and during the week clearly do not live a life that the church would "condone", I'm one of those people. I don't believe my actions are wrong, and so I don't want to put forth an image or idea that someone may have of me, that is clearly inaccurate.

I intend to live my life with as much respect for myself as possible, while pissing off the least amount of people. I believe that God exists and that Jesus died for my sins. And I believe that if there is a heaven, I won't be stuck outside the pearly gates.

I also hope to come back to church because I want it, need it, and that its real for me. And right now its an obligation and a measure to which I have been made to feel like a failure.

Fini.

Oh, and I guess ... if you want/need to email me about it ... its awakemysoul [at] gmail [dot] com.

Revelations on Men (screw policeman, professors are the new in)

So, I never heard from Malcolm, and its the first time I've been put in this situation. But, I talked to Victor (kind of interesting to talk to him, considering the history). But he made a good point, in pointing out that why its hard for me to deal with is because I usually give 100%, and I would never leave someone hanging like that, so how could someone else? And its true, I'm sure I will probably run into him again (maybe even this Tuesday if he follows the same rotations as the couple I sit for), and I'm not sure what I will do. I just like closure, its not like I'm lost without him ... I just want to know what his damage is, other than that he has a Y chromosome (sorry Jeff and Aron).

But another piece of wisdom that my friend Kate passed on to me, that she learned from a dude. That, girls, we usually give the benefit of the doubt too quickly. And, apparently, if a guy is truly interested there is no such thing as "too busy".

But, I finally met up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months, he is a university professor/high school teacher for French (he is 30) out in Guelph. He's pretty nifty, we hung out, and then we went out for lunch, and when I tried to pay, he wouldn't let me. And he sent me an email when he got back to Guelph telling me what a good time he had, and I woke up to a sweet one from him this morning. We're going to try to connect on the 10th (I don't have to work).

We'll see if anything comes from it.