Not quite as angsty

So, I was just a little grumpy yesterday. I'm doing better today.

And hey, I got to talk to my friend Sarah in Manitoba last night for 45 minutes *grin*.

Angsty... be warned.

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That's it, I'm done planning parties. I tried to throw a housewarming party, and I think 5 out of the 20 people I invited were able to come.

Its my birthday coming up, my 21st, and I want to throw a party (well two of them, one during the day, one at night). I had all the good things in there, convenient location, a Saturday night, free booze.

But still, most of the people I invited can't come. Damn long weekend, damn Ben Harper concert, damn Tyndale schedules.

*sulks in corner* humph.

Good listening

My friend Michelle is an amazing folk singer. This song is one of my current favourites. But be aware it is in the "works under progress" section so its not a final cut.

Your thoughts?

When the hell did I become a girl, sheesh.

I've never really been the type who enjoys walking in heavy rain, spitting sometimes. But I'm like a cat, I prefer to stay dry. I've cancelled plans because of the rain (also the rain makes me ache).

Last night my perspective changed, and I realized the weather doesn't matter when you are in good company.

A friend and I ventured to his homestead, and we got oh, 50 feet into the 20 minute journey when it started to downpour last night.

We tried to find shelter under a tree, to no avail, and decided to just be troopers and try to ignore the rain.

Amidst getting thoroughly soaked; shirt, jeans, sneakers and all. Through blurred vision, a good conversation was birthed.

Amongst the thunder claps, same wavelengths were connected.

I walked in the rain last night with someone who understood where I was coming from, because he was there too.

*smirk*

There is a boy.

*blush*
*blush*










(and hey, bonus... he's my age and not attached... two points for me!)

...

Which of the following statements is false:

a) I'm in an incredible amount of pain
b) both my wrists throb, and in my rush I forgot my splints at home
c) it hurts to breathe (and swallow)
d) I have the beginnings of a migraine
e) I can go home and go back to sleep



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If you chose E, give yourself a cookie. I don't remember if I posted a couple of months back when I was complained that it hurt to swallow, turns out it was acid reflux so I was put on a month long prescription. Two days ago the same symptoms came back so I spoke to my doctor and he filled out another prescription of the same stuff, and told me I probably have chronic acid reflux (which runs in my family) which means that I'll have to take a pill once a day for the rest of my life to be able to breathe and swallow without feeling like my chest is on fire.

My wrists have started hurting me because I'm not careful when I type at work or at home, and so I've been splinting them and its been helping a tonne.

I can feel, in the back of my eyeballs, the beginning of a migraine I've taken a couple of pain killers, however my Amerge meds (for full blown migraines) are at home.

Which brings me to, I'm at work... and really don't feel like being here. Love my job, hate being physically hindered.

Really, getting tired of all this medical shit. Enough already.

So Cute

Click Here

Status Check

Time: 2:22am
Wake up in: 4 hours and 38 minutes.
Root Canal in: 8 hours and 38 minutes.

What the fuck am I still doing awake.

Blast it!

Current Pet Peeve

The TTC

They have this ad campaign, about not littering on the TTC. Well, it helps if they have adequate garbage cans. I walked the entire length of the Yonge platform, and there isn't one single garabage can.

Apparently I'm supposed to go up to the Bloor platform and throw my garbage out there.

Then miss my train.

Gah!

Thankfully I've never been that drunk...

I talked to my cousin this morning, my older female cousin, my older female, might possibly have a drinking problem and works at the LCBO cousin.

Apparently she had an accident, a falling on the face kind of accident. A falling on the face cause you were so fucking intoxicated, end up losing 3 teeth and don't remember it in the morning accident.

Pretty shitty.

The superficial and then the honest

Alright, the superficial is really just another office pet peeve. I work in a real estate office, and it annoys me so much when this happens:
*phone rings*
me: Good afternoon/morning/evening company name, Jamie speaking how may I help you
person: gives a property address
me: yes
person: gives a property address again
me: what about that property
person: *huffs* appointment
me: *swears in my mind* last name please

Gah, how about you tell me "I'd like to book an appointment on.... "

Dumbasses, the whole lot of them. Take that generalizations!










For anyone who knows me, even remotely. Knows that I've been avoiding community like its the fucking plague. No church, no small group, no talking about faith (really) with friends, nothing... nada... nit... newt.

Instead I drink (a lot), and hang out with guys (you can interpret hang out however you please). And as much as I know the what I should be feeling in the "well I'm a Christian", I don't feel it. I know what I should be feeling, on a cognitive level it doesn't resonate with my soul though.

Two weeks ago, I decided to maybe start hitting the church scene again. And maybe take advantage of making it to my small group before I can't go anymore.

But, me, my actions are still... so... contrived. And it makes me want to run away all over again.

Someone, when they asked about what I was up to and I was honest, asked me if I believed in the Bible. Like that is the simple be all and end all answer. Instead, it just made me feel that much worse.

Because everytime I think about faith, and my lack of understanding. I think of Anya from Buffy on death with this quote:

But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.


I've never understood faith, bible college illuminated that for me. And as much as I know that He loves in the smallest bits of obediences. I hate contrivity.

But I also don't know how to give up.

Blah.

A shout out to the Australians

And their confectionary brilliance. My friend
Claire first introduced me to the amazing things that are Tim Tams 3 years ago at camp. And this weekend I've discovered the wonderous Darrell Lea Soft Chew Licorice.

So yummy, even ask Missina.

A blast from the past

My friend Dreanna just sent me this picture, I'm not quite a child. But I'm still itty bitty.

Guess which ones me (joking).

1500 students and 11 were white.

A new poem

Found here.

people frustrate me

you shouldn't ask if you don't want to hear the answer.


so you know what


pin me my scarlet letter and leave me alone already.

hehehe

I was talking to my friend Ethan on MSN today, we were making plans to do something. We decided he'd come check out the "new" digs, and in case he got lost he'd just call me from his cell phone. About 10 mintues ago I got this message IM:
_ethan (at.work)> i am jack's bike path murder says:
Erm...my cell phone was just run over by a taxi.
So don't call it if I'm late


And I am still laughing at his misfortune.

'Cause Jen did it

Jen made a list of quotes that have affected her. I thought I'd do one. These would probably change if I was anywhere but at work doing this because I'm bored out of my tree. But the ones off the top of my head are (in no particular order):

Home Room
Alicia: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? You think you can come in here and you can spend ten minutes and come out with all the FUCKING ANSWERS? Hey, I've got one: kids pick up guns and THEY KILL OTHER KIDS. That's it! And if that answer isn't good enough, then maybe you should see a doctor or a priest and you can ask THEM why. And they'll feed you all the psycho babble you can stand or they'll tell you that God has some "greater plan" for everyone. And when you keep pressing and those answers aren't good enough, all they'll have left to tell you is the unholy truth, that KIDS JUST DIE.
[long pause]
Alicia Browning: And babies
[like mine]
Alicia Browning: die too.

Armageddon
Aj: Tell Grace that I'll, I'll always be with her. Can you do that?
Harry Stamper: Yeah. Okay kid.
Harry Stamper: [Pulls AJ's air hose out and rips off his own mission badge and hands it to AJ] Give this to Truman! Make sure Truman gets that! Get in there.
[Pushes AJ back into the hatch and closes the door]
Harry Stamper: It's my turn now.
A.J.: Harry! You can't do this to me! It's my job!
Harry Stamper: You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job. I always thought of you as a son. I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace.
A.J.: [Beginning to cry] Harry.
Harry Stamper: You take care of yourself.
[Pushes a button sending the hatch up]
Harry Stamper: I love you.
A.J.: No wait Harry I love you! Harry don't do this! I love you! No wait a minute!
Harry Stamper: Bye son.

Buffy

(From "The Body")
Anya: But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.

(From "Empty Places")
Faith: I didn't come here to take anything away from you, but I'm not gonna be your little lapdog, either. I came here to beat the other guy, to do right, however it works. I don't know if I can lead. But the real question is...can you follow?

(From "Becoming Part 1")
Whistler: The bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asked for their life to change, not really, but it does. So what are we helpless? Puppets? No, the big moments are going to come you can't help that, its what you do afterwards that counts, thats when you find out who you are.

Save the Last Dance
Sara: What l want is to wake up
and see my mom again; for things to go back to the way
when my life made sense. But that's not gonna happen,
and it's all my fault.

I Am Sam
Sam: You don't know what it is when you try, and you try, and you try and you never get there!

A Walk to Remember
Jamie:How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?
Landon: You're lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It's like the wind. I can't... see it, but I feel it.


Angel
Faith: I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad (in context)

Cruel Intentions
Sebestian: Dear Annette, I don't know what I could possibly say that would rectify the harm I've caused you. The truth of the matter is that being with you was the only time I have ever been happy. My whole life has been a joke. I prided myself on taking joy in others' misery. Well, it finally backfired. I succeed in hurting the first person I ever loved. Enclosed is my most prized possession. My journal. For a long time I considered it my trophy. A sordid collection of my conquests. If you really want to know the truth than please read it. No more lies. Please give me another chance. I'm a wreck without you.

Office Pet Peeve

Alright, when my phone cord is tangled... it drives me batty... honestly, loony tunes. its so bad, that I removed the phone cord off the receptionist phone and switched with one of the agents cause it was less tangly (the agent only comes in like once a month).

Anyone else have weird pet peeves.

Today was a good day.

Me and Missina went out for breakfast at Golden Griddle (yummy) then went to Dairy Queen, then for a jaunty stroll that included me buying a new pair of sunglassses (desperately needed) and finding this beautiful park just south of Yonge and Lawrence.

We sat and talked there for a while, surrounded by nature and the lawn maintenance guy doing his job. We saw a baby rabbit! It was so cool.

Also, we indulged in childood antics. And through the mighty divining skills that is MASH I discovered why Victor is not a good companion choice, since if I end up with him I'll have four children, live in a shack as a bum, and drive a station wagon.. though, we'd live in Scotland so Missina gave that life path a 2/10.

Though, at least I didn't end up with Ross.

Hmmm

I have a dear and wise friend

Once she wrote this (an excerpt, hopefully she doesn't mind, italics are mine):

And though the slithering beast
can appear on such an Eve'
(to try and steal the moment
in his practice to deceive),
we'll ignore his petty voices
because I think it's understood
that while the moment's never perfect,
that doesn't mean it's never good.

See, told you she was wise.

A link

My Poetry

Its honest, its graphic, and I don't care if you don't like it.

Consider yourself warned.

I *heart* the government, the government *hearts* me

My aunt just called to inform me that I have received another cheque from the government, back GST from 2003.. which is fantastic! I can get some dvd's now.